“Beautiful”
is the most widely accepted, universally lauded standard of physical
attractiveness. When Beautiful walks into a room we are awed. Generally speaking, the Beautiful is all about clean angles and clear lines: the
square jaw and flat-plane abdominals of the Beautiful man, and the sharp cheek
bones and delicate clavicles of the Beautiful woman. Facial symmetry and low
body fat are also highly Beautiful. The prototypical Beautiful person is a high
fashion model, whether male or female. This said, Beautiful inspires jealousy
and breeds insecurity in others. Also, though powerfully attractive, those who
are too Beautiful are often freakish, unsympathetic androgynes. (“Ice Queens”
and “Pretty Boys”) When some pseudo-journalist or blogger describes a woman as “elegant”
or a “classic beauty,” they are talking about someone in terms of the Beautiful.
Beautiful is associated with glamour, privilege, and power. Drag Queens – when sufficiently
fishy and fierce - are the quintessence of Beautiful.
“Cute”
is the G-Rated breed of physical attractiveness. Cute people delight us. When
someone is Cute we have to stop ourselves from squeezing their cheeks, hugging
them too long, and audibly likening their appearance to that of a baby, animal,
or baby-animal. When you call someone a “puppy,” “teddy bear,” “lamb,” or
whatever, you are experiencing Cute. Cute compels us, if at all possible, to add
an “e” sound to the end of someone’s first name. For example, Daves who are Cute-intensive
have a tendency to become “Davies,” whether they like it or not. Cute features like apple-like cheeks, soft
bellies, and circular, kewpie doll eyes have the same neotenous roundess that
makes children so adorable. If we are “awed by Beautiful” then Cute just makes
us want to croon “awwww…..” Conjuring
childlike simplicity, Cute makes us feel safe and comfortable. We want to care for
and nurture the Cute, and be cared for and nurtured by the Cute. However, by the same token, Cute is the least
threatening species of physical attractiveness and, as such, is often inimical
to carnality and respect. Cutes, although well liked, are also prone to being
passed over, taken for granted, and/or condescended to. Often Cutes are the
people who, when dumped or rejected, are told: “(But) you’re like my best
friend/little brother/sister/cousin!”
“Sexy”
is the most dangerous species of physical attractiveness. Put simply, Sexy
makes us want to fuck. Not marry. Not date. Not talk. FUCK. Sexy is all
about over-pronounced secondary sex characteristics: large breasts and hips in
women; and hairy, muscular chests and high, round, almost donkey-ish asses in
men. Big lips in both sexes are highly Sexy. If Cute is the soft roundedness of
childhood, then Sexy is the ripe, lusciousness of adulthood. Sexy
is what inspires masturbation fantasies, and one night stands, and fetishes. If
the Beautiful inspires deification/envy, and the Cute inspires adoration/condescension,
then the Sexy gives rise to objectification/obsession. As a result, although people
with lots of Sexy enjoy almost magical powers of persuasion and influence over
those who want to fuck them, this influence is ultimately volatile and
unstable. Those who are highly Sexy are called whores constantly whether by
those who want to fuck them and can’t, those who wanted to fuck them and have,
or those who don’t want to fuck them and hate that other people do. We lie to
the Sexy to get them into bed, use them for sex, and then go hang out with the
Cute and marry the Beautiful. Sexy is associated with spontaneous erections,
one night stands, persistent fantasies, and all the things your parents wouldn’t
want to see in your mate. Strippers are the apotheosis of Sexy.
